Staying In Trouble

In order to keep myself in trouble, insult as many as I can at one time and help men understand everything that I understand about women, I offer the following explanations of a woman's vocabulary:


FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.


FIVE MINUTES

If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.


NOTHING

This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'No! thing' usually end in "Fine"


GO AHEAD

This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.


LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"


THAT'S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.


THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say, "You're welcome. "


WHATEVER

It's a woman's way of saying, "Nuts to you!"

Send this to the men you know to warn them about future arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology!

(Is it at all possible that I should stick to spiritual and political subjects? It occurs to me that I might be treading very deep water, going where few have dared.)