BEYOND A SHADOW OF A GOUT

I thought only old people got this stuff.

It is called "gout."

Gout is a condition caused when uric acid, which is normally distributed throughout the blood stream, leeches out and collects in one or more joints, usually the big toe joint, but it could be any joint.

In the blood stream, uric acid is sort of like Tang (you know, the orange drink of early astronauts) crystals.

When it becomes gout, it hurts. Really bad.

I have had three broken bones, each of which caused me to writhe in pain.

This is about three times as bad, pain-wise.

Its onset was a little less than a week ago, when it settled in my right foot, just in front of the heel.

That went away untreated and I thought all was well.

But this is sneaky stuff.

A couple of days ago, my left big toe knuckle began to hurt.

It got worse, and began to swell, and had a little circular red spot, right on the side of the toe-knuckle, that was so sensitive that a breath of air made it feel like an ice pick was stuck in that knuckle.

Last night, as I finished my post on my non-run for the Presidency, I inadvertantly kicked my desk with my gout-filled toe.

I do not recommend this course of action.

After shouting out in pain, at which my sweet wife, Bonnie, came running, only to stand by helplesly, there being nothing at all she could do for me, I began to laugh uncontrollably at the stupidity of the situation.

Bonnie became convinced that I was totally off my rocker.

It has taken her thirteen years to come to that realization.

I was laughing and crying at the same time.

Really strange.

Putting my feet under the covers at night was impossible, because even the bed sheet touching the center of that little spot caused excruciating pain.

The swelling got so bad that I literally thought my skin would split.

It didn't, for which I am grateful.

I finally got to see my doctor, Dr. Toro, whom I call Dr. Zorro, but not to his face,who prescribed some meds.

I sit in front of my computer with only a sort of dull ache, but it is markedly better, pain-wise.

Why do I share this with you? What great wisdom do I intend to impart with this narrative?

I have absolutely no idea.

Except, as with most blogging, it is cathartic.

I sure wish I knew the meaning of "cathartic."

It would certainly afford me a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension.

That would be nice.

Ah ammmmm gething dizzzzzie frahm the medcin.

Goo night owl.

THE PLATFORM PART 5

The landslide is underwhelming.

Yet I proceed in the knowledge that the good of the country must trump all.

The fifth plank of my platform concerns the 5th responsibility of government as put forth in the Preamble to The Constitution of the United States of America.

The government is to be the catalist to promote the general welfare of the citizens.

Once again we turn to Mr. Webster for some help.

PROMOTE: a: to contribute to the growth or prosperity of : FURTHER

b : to help bring (as an enterprise) into being : LAUNCH

c : to present (merchandise) for buyer acceptance through advertising, publicity, or discounting

WELFARE: the state of doing well especially in respect to good fortune, happiness, well-being, or prosperity.

Please notice that it is the government's job to provide for the common defense.

When it comes to the general welfare, it is government's job to promote it.

Somewhere along the line we got the idea that if we have trouble it is government's job to fix it.

That is not so!

For instance, many criticized the government for not reacting quickly enought to the hurricanes Charlie, in Southwest Florida (Punta Gorda, Arcadia, et.al.) and Katrina, in New Orleans.

Not one word of the Constitution gives government the task of rebuilding homes, etc.

Another for instance: The Constitution does not charge the government with educating the public.

When neighborhood schools accepted money from the feds, they relinquished local control over schools. Schools then became government schools instead of public schools.

Recently, the NEA (National Education Association) has stated that citizens have no business interfering with the curricula of public (read: government) schools!

And many of you just go on like the Red Skelton hobo character, "Dum-de-dum-dum..." and let it happen.

Now, even PTAs cannot ask what goes on in some schools, let alone try to exercise influence therein.

All they are allowed to do is to rubber stamp what has been decided by government workers and do fund raising and extra-curricular stuff.

Can you guess what government in recent history began to influence the schools in exactly the same way? (Think Germany and WWII).

Politicians in government found in the phrase, "promote the general welfare," the concept that if they (the government) give out enough money, they (politicians) can continue to get re-elected.

So, they establish welfare programs, instead of promoting the general welfare.

Promoting the general welfare would enclude encouraging folks to learn to support themselves, become gainfully employed and thus avail themselves of the American Dream.

There are far too many people who prefer NOT to seek employment and just collect monetary benefits from taxpayers.

If you haven't come to this realization, watch a few installments of Judge Judy or Judge Joe Brown or Judge Alex.

They seem to cater to the lowest common denominator of American existence.

So.

This plank of my platform includes:

1) The federal government shall no longer have a say in the public education of citizens, and control of schools shall be returned to local districts;

2) Citizens who actually work for their part of the American Dream shall be taxed at a LOWER rate than those who do not;

3) Federal income taxes shall be 11% of every earned dollar by any for-profit entity, individual and corporate, and shall be assessed for every dollar above the established poverty level.

There shall be no deductions for anything except giving to legitimate non-profit charities whose resources are used for the betterment of mankind.

Taxes shall be collected from the rich at the same rate as from the less-than-rich, the incentive for success being that everybody gets to keep 89% of everything they earn.

People who, through circumstances over which they have no control, cannot work and are below the poverty level shall be cared for to the degree necessary for sustanance. If they can be re-trained to become productive, said training shall be afforded them, after which they must go to work if they are able.

Under no circumstances shall the government use the color of one's skin determine either advantage or disadvantage to any individual or group.

Americans shall have the freedom to worship as they please or not both in private and in public.

If one wants to preach on a street corner, he/she shall be allowed to do so. If one does not want to hear the preaching, he/she shall be free not to listen.

If one wants to worship some pagan god, he/she shall be free to do so, so long as the exercise of that belief does not bring physical harm to another. (If you want to worship snakes, worship snakes, but keep those snakes in cages away from those who hate snakes...like me.)

The freedom to pray at a highschool event shall not be infringed upon.

Faith-based and other altruistic organizations shall be encouraged to provide services to those in need.

As President, I shall encourage Congress and the courts to return to the principles held by our Founding Fathers in all areas, secular and faith-based.

And keep in mind: If nominated, I will not run. If elected, I will not serve.

THE PLATFORM PART 4

Once again, O Intelligent Reader, I return to my platform.

The Constitution of the United States of America tells us what government is to be about.

So far we have covered: 1) forming a more perfect union; 2) establishing justice; and 3) insuring domestic tranquility.

Now it is time for a very relevant function of government: providing for the common defense.

It is the job of government to defend the nation against all forces, inside and out, which might cause the nation to fall, to stumble or even to trip.

On December 7th, 1941 a squadron of Japanese aircraft struck our naval base at Pearl Harbor, Hawaii, killing 2,403 American military personnel and civilians.

Although Hawaii was not a state, it was a United States Territory, and an attack on it was considered an attack on America.

This attack brought us into a war with Japan at the same time we were engaged in conflict in Europe against Adolph Hitler, whose goal it was to rule the Western World.

We ultimately won both wars. That's because we are militarily the strongest nation on earth, peaceful until attacked...then...watch out!

One single battle in the ensuing war with Japan was the battle for the Island nation of Iwo Jima.

During that battle, 4,197 member of the United States Marines were killed right out, 19,189 were wounded and 1,401 later died of wounds suffered there.

The battle lasted 35 days.

We won.

Ultimately, the war with Japan was won when President Harry S. Truman made the decision to drop one atomic bomb on Hiroshima and one on Nagasaki, Japan.

Some would argue that we were about to end the war with negotiations and that the bombings were unnecessary.

May I remind you that on December 7th, 1941 we were engaged in negotiations with Japan during which they had promised to abide by the peace treaty we had just struck with them.

Their ambassador broke off the negotiations hours before the attack on Pearl Harbor, which means, of course, that the attack had already been planned and the negotiations were nothing but a ploy to keep us from doing anything until the attack had come to fruition.

The point is: Negotiations have NEVER in the history of mankind prevented an attack, nor have they, in-and-of-themselves ever ended a war.

There are those who believe that we should pull out of Iraq immediately and negotiate peace with terrorists who have as their goal the distruction of the western way of life.

It has never worked in history, is not working anywhere in the world today and will never work in the future.

Those who think negotiations with terroritst will lessen their verve are either naive or are traitors.

I hope for the former, I fear the latter.

Their trouble is they either do not know or do not care to put the war on terrorists in the perspective of the history of war.

Therefore, Plank 4 of my platform is the unmittigated defense of our nation.

I.

Nations that harbor and/or train terrorists shall be given 60 days to round up, execute or otherwise dispose of all terrorists within their borders or face the FULL force and fury of the United States Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines and their state auxilliaries.

Anybody in this nation or any other who does not think we can defeat any present enemy on this planet is just plain STUPID (and if you're one of them, I'm sorry to report that you are just plain STUPID).

Now, might does not make right.

But when you are right, your might goes a long way toward enforcing your rightness.

In the case of terrorism, it is right that terrorists be distroyed.

If not, they will most assuredly distroy us.

II.

Members of any group or groups who support terrorists within our borders shall be tried as traitors and/or deported to Mexico immediately, and if Mexico does not like it, they should stop allowing their people to enter the United States illegally.

Those who are in our county illegally, from whatever country, shall be deported immediately. They may re-enter by getting in the same line those who enter legally are in, fulfilling the same requirements those in the afore-mentioned lines must fulfill and go through the process legally.

All legal aliens shall be welcomed with opened arms and shall be invited to work toward becoming citizens of and to partake in the American Dream.

III.

The defense of this country from without and within shall require the largest portion of the national budget.

So there you have it.

Part 4 of my Platform.

Remember: If nominated, I will not run. If elected, I will not serve.

TIME OUT!

Before I present to you the rest of my platform (I know. It's tough to wait. You are waiting with shrimp in your mouth...ie: baited breath), you MUST read The Insanity Farmer (whose name I have never changed in my blogroll).

Here is the link:

http://insanityfarm.com/

You must read: Politico Primer Part 1 and Politico Primer Part 2

No, really! You must!

Go read it!

Do it now!

Go!

Go!

It should be required reading in every civics class, every political science class and every social studies class.

So what are you waiting for?

I'll wait while you go read it.

THE PLATFORM PART 3

The third responsibility of the federal government, according to the Constitution of the United States of America, is to insure domestic tranquility.

Shall we turn to Webster?

Yes, lets.

Domestic:

of, relating to, or originating within a country and especially one's own country.

Tranquil:

1 a : free from agitation of mind or spirit
b : free from disturbance or turmoil

So, when there is turmoil in the country, the government is to make sure that tranquility is restored.

Question: Has our government insured that we have tranquility within our nation?

I think not.

So, as President, I will assist the members of the House of Representatives, the Senate and the Supreme Court to understand that this is in their job description.

I will assist them by saying, "Look, guys (and gals), you gotta make some tranquility happen here."

Of course, they won't know how.

They will look at each other and say something like, "Duh....How are we supposed to do that?"

To which I will respond, "Look, you gorbellied, folly-fallen, giglets, I will demonstrate."

Then, in a saturday evening, required viewing TV appearance, I will say to the citizens, "Now, sit quietly, cross your legs, take a deep breath and hold it."

This will accomplish several things:

1. When they sit quietly, suddenly all overt crime will cease.

2. When they cross their legs, all sorts of evil occurances will be prevented. Furthermore, the rate of population increase will decline.

3. When they hold their breath, certain ones who engage in unhealthy, oxygen depleting, carbon monoxide inducing and mind altering habits will expire...thus decreasing the surplus population, emptying our jails of many life-long criminals and freeing up many hospital beds.

4. When I at last give them permission to breathe normally, those who are healthy will be so happy to be rid of those who have been dragging the country down that they will gladly proceed through life in a state of tranquility.

In order to accomplish all of this, a new cabinet post will be established: The Minister of Calm.

Man! I can hardly wait to set some of this in motion.

As Always: If nominated, I will not run. If elected, I will not serve.

THE PLATFORM PART 2

The second responsibility of government, according to The Constitution of the United States of America, is to establish justice (check out the preamble).

What is this thing called justice?

According to Webster it is:

1 a : the maintenance or administration of what is just especially by the impartial adjustment of conflicting claims or the assignment of merited rewards or punishments

b : Judge

c : the administration of law; especially : the establishment or determination of rights according to the rules of law or equity

2 a : the quality of being just, impartial, or fair

b (1) : the principle or ideal of just dealing or right action (2) : conformity to this principle or ideal : Righteousness

c : the quality of conforming to law

3 : conformity to truth, fact, or reason : Correctness

Notice that it is the government's job to establish justice.

Again, according to Webster: to institute (as a law) permanently by enactment or agreement.

In order to establish justice, we use a system of laws, with a Constitution to establish the bounds of the laws, congress to write laws, the President to agree to the laws, a Supreme Court (whose purpose is to ensure that the laws do not violate the Constitution), Judges to mediate the laws, lawyers to argue the laws, and police to enforce the law by seeking out violators and bringing them before the courts.

Now, it has not worked out that way, because individuals in the system see their own need to power as greater than the Constitution itself.

Thus we have activist judges imposing law instead of comparing it to the Constitution and determining to which principles the law adheres or violates.

Therefore, my platform is to immediately suspend all sitting judges, good and bad, and replacing them with judges selected from my readership, who will obviously be honest, fair, upstanding, dependable, trustworthy, loyal helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent.

Applications are being received.

Remember: If nominated, I will not run. If elected, I will not serve.

THE PLATFORM PART 1

My readers are the smartest blog readers in the world (except for Vickie, who sadly allows me to control her [or is it really "his"?] mood).

Since you are so smart, you will no doubt understand the various planks of my platform in my run for the write-in vote.

Plank 1.

As president I will work toward the unification of the United States of America.

There are several way this will be accomplished.

First, I will introduce legislation that will make it illegal to pass any more legislation. We have enough laws already. We just need to start enforcing the ones we have.

Secondly, I will introduce legislation that will make it illegal to disagree with me, thus creating a state of immediate unity.

The fact that legislation prohibiting the introduction of any further legislation will have been enacted will be a bit of a stumbling block, but I will introduce legislation that will make it possible.

For those who agree to agree with me there will be enormous benefits: free healthcare; free housing; free money; free gasoline; free Dairy Queen Blizzards; and free Honda Fits.

Those who choose not to agree with me will be strongly urged to plan an extended vacation in Bora Bora. Every effort will be made to make the trip effortless.

We will provide them with airfare, a pair of pajamas, one change of clothes, the religious tome of their choice and Ritz crackers.

Then we will give them a copy of "How to fly a Boeing 777 for Fun and Profit" and send them on their way.

Those of us who are left will bask in the knowledge that we all think alike, walk in lock-step and will play Monopoly every Monday night.

Global warming and food shortages will be unlawful.

Hurricanes, tornados, earthquakes, landslides, sink holes and thunderstorms will be relegated to sections of the Sargasso Sea, and ships will not be allowed to venture therethrough unless they fly the flag of Bora Bora.

The Constitution of the United States of America exists, according to itself, to form a more perfect union.

No one has figured out how to do that until now.

Relief is on the horizon.

Or is that a hurricane brewing?

Remember: If nominated, I will not run. If elected, I will not serve.

The Groundswell Begins

There were four comments on my last post.

One of those comments promises to vote for me.

One out of four, all of them Americans.

Assuming three hundred million Americans, that gives me 7,500,000 votes.

I'm a shoe-in!

Next: My Platform Expanded

ONLY A HUGE WRITE-IN COULD DO IT

If nominated, I will not run

If elected, I will not serve.

That's my platform, and I'm sticking with it.

TOO EARLY?

To see, hear or read the mainstream press, you would think that the Presidential Primaries were next month!

I still haven't seen a single person worthy of the office of President of The United States of America come to the fore.

Here's what my candidate MUST be ready to FIGHT for:

1. Uniting the country. That must be number one.

2. Establishing justice under the law for every citizen.

3. Insuring tranquility in our land .

4. Providing common defense of our nation.

5. Promoting the general welfare of our citizens.

6. Securing the blessings of liberty for us and our descendents.

7. Taking as little of the money we earn (and the government does not earn) as possible.

8. Making government as small as possible.

9. Sticking to what is actually IN the Constitution.

10. Making abortions illegal except where the physical life of the mother is directly threatened medically (the Supreme Court's incorrect decisions of the past notwithstanding).

11. Remembering that this is a government of, by and for the people and that we are not a people of, by and for the government.

12. Being a person with a real American name like: George; John; Thomas; James; Andrew; Martin; William; Zachary (?); Millard (?); Franklin; Abraham; Ulysses (?); Rutherford (at least it sounds dignified); Chester; Grover (not the Sesame Street one); Benjamin; Theodore; Woodrow (?); Calvin; Harry; Dwight; Lyndon (?); Richard; Gerald; or Ronald.

What kind of a name is Barack? What about Hillary (mountains of trouble there)? Should we consider a man whose name is Newt (isn't that some kind of lizard?)? Rudolph (the Christmas president)? Mitt (gimmie a break!)? Jeb (sounds a bit hick-ish)? Condoleezza (come on...that's not a real name...is it?)?

Maybe we need a Joseph.

I know one.

SATURDAY SERENDIPITY

PART ONE:

I have been surfing the blogosphere.

WOW! What a concept!

Anyway, among the posts I have read have been some (not entirely wrongly) critical of the "organized" church and bemoaning personal disillusionment therewith.

Well, disillusionment is what happens when one's focus in on the corporation and not on the CEO.

Christ died for the church (ekklesia - that which is called out), not the church building, church location, church organization, church polity, or any other aspect of the corporate church, the CHURCH, ie: the people who have come into relationship with God through Christ.

(Yeah, yeah...I know He died for all sin, in all people, everywhere...but here I am talking about the church. Cheese...try to stay focused!)

Now anybody who has read God's Word knows beyond any doubt that He is well organized. Witness the very universe itself, His book of Nehemiah and the re-building of the wall, His instructions as to the lay-out of the temple, or the tents of Israel outlined in Numbers 2.

But Christ did not die for the organization.

He died for me.

And for you, by the way.

He is to be our focus.

Period.

Otherwise, we are doomed to think negatively about that entity we call the church, with its false-starts, foibles and rank stupidity.

When I learned to look at each face in the congregation through the eyes of Christ as I led the worship, instead of in light of the various frailties represented therein, my worship leading became meaningful.

I like meaningful.


PART TWO:

Have you been thinking a lot about the United Nations lately?

I was sent the following and thought I would share it with you.

(It can be bought at www.imao.us I think. It's a T-shirt design).

TOP 10 U.N. SLOGANS

10. If an impotent, bloated buraucracy can't solve it, then it's best left festering.

9. You can't spell "unethical" without UN

8. Genocidal dictators, beware our non-binding resolutions.

7. Bringing peace to our world (actual results may vary).

6. Tomorrow's corruption today

5. Raising pointless squabbling to an art form.

4. We take bribes so you don't have to.

3. Try our world famous cheesy fries.

2. If troubles abound, we'll be nearby doing nothing.

1. If this is an emergency, please hang up and dial America.


PART THREE

There is no PART THREE.

THE PLANE TRUTH

Nancy!

Nancy!

It's OK!

You can have a plane to travel on.

It is NORMAL for the Speaker of the House to have a plane.

No one is saying you should not have a plane...no one!

But, you simple minded, self-oriented, self-proclaimed queen of the USA,

YOU DO NOT NEED A BIGGER PLANE THAN HAS EVER BEEN USED FOR ANY OTHER POLITICAL LEADER WHO WAS NOT PRESIDENT.

THAT IS WHAT PEOPLE ARE OBJECTING TO, YOU OVER-THE-TOP LEADER OF THE "MOST MORAL GOVERNMENT EVER"...N O T.

Stop with the accusations and threats (read: defunding the war in Iraq) and just do the job the people (mistakingly) elected you to...

that is IF you know how.

AH, SWEET MEMORIES

I bought a memory foam pillow.

It's not helping my memory at all.

I can't even remember why I bought it.

OLDIE BUT GOODIE

A friend sent me this, so I thought I would pass (pardon the football reference) it on to you.

Football FINALLY makes sense..........

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I
Really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the
big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each
other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

She said "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the
rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback!
Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!

I hope you catch it.

A FRIEND AND CO-WORKER BLOGS!

You all know Parker, the Insanity Farmer (see link in blog roll).

Now there's Caleb.

Caleb is also a co-worker of mine...one of the best, most dependable workers anyone could ask for.

He now has a blog called On the Air (Caleb) .

(Actually, the (Caleb) part is not part of his blog's name, only of the link I have to his blog. His blog is actually "On the Air."

But if you click on the words in the quotation marks above, you will not get to his blog.

Conversely, if you click on the link that includes (Caleb), you will be taken to his blog. )

Anyway...I recommend that you read his posts.

He is a dedicated Christian with strong, conservative views.

And he's cool.

Read him.

ALL IS SIMI-FORGIVEN

Thanks to the help of svoblogger, I am now able to leave comments on other Blogger sites.

Therefore, some is forgiven...there are still too many steps...but at least it works.

Therefore be hereby warned!

You will be visited by a certain presence this weekend.

Your blog will be read.

Certain appropriate comments may be left.

Some may be right.

Whether right or left, the comments will be filled with hidden but well exposed meanings.

There will be enough comments posted that one could write a commentary.

You can neither run nor hide.

Watch out!

Here I come!