Thursday, August 04, 2005

The Rule Book - Part 1

It was the third quarter. The Dolphins (Hey! Give me a break! I'm from Miami!) were behind by six points. Dan Marino called the third down play in the huddle.

They lined up. It looked like a pass formation. The center snapped the ball. Marino dropped back.

Suddenly the whistle blew the play dead. From the sidelines ran in the Commissioner of Football him very self. "Stop the play!" he shouted. "Hold it! HOLD it! Nobody move! Freeze right where you are! New rule! New rule! As of now there will be no more forward passes allowed. Now when the whistle blows you must begin the play right where you left off...no new huddle, no nothing."

"But Paul," protested Marino, "The rules were made years ago and are outlined in the rule book. Forward passes are clearly allowed!"

"No matter! No matter! I am taking on the authority of changing the rules according to my own personal whim. Besides, the rule book is not static. It is a living, breathing document. That's what makes the game so great!"

"You can't just decide to take that authority for yourself." Dan was trying to contain his frustration. "You are supposed to oversee the league and see that the rules are properly applied. You can't just arbitrarily make changes in the middle of the game."

"Marino, the changes are made. Now get on with the play or you'll be singing 'Jailhouse Rock'."

The game was re-started with the team down-field, anticipating a pass. With the new rule, Dan had to try to run with the football.

The Dolphins lost the game.

Dan's ribs are expected to heal.

Author's note: The above vignette never happened in the game of football. But if you will substitute The Supreme Court for the Commissioner, The Constitution of the United States of America for the Rule Book, the Legislature for Dan Marino, and the people of the United States of America for the team, you will understand that this is exactly what has happened.

"We the people...." indeed.

9 comments:

Danny Sims said...

I thought you might also say something about Ted Kennedy, how he is on record as once saying the forward pass is a good thing but now says it is a bad thing.

Scott Nichols said...

Good post...

Jeff H said...

The only kind of pass Teddy knows how to make is forward.

And pantsless.

Joe said...

I thought that was Kerry. But Kennedy could just as well have said it.

I've always though of Kennedy as sort of a Mugwump. A fence sitter. With his mug on one side and his wump on the other.

Flies backward. Doesn't care where he's going, just where he's been.

John R. said...

Joe,

If your interpretation of the text of the rules of football disagrees with mine--tough luck. The truth about football can never be known. You are bringing your biased preconceived ideas to the text. However, since I have the POWER--you have to play football my way. Truth doesn't matter. My power does. I may re-interpret "forward" pass tomorrow, but don't you tinker with what I've said today.

-Football Commissioner
(And make sure you interpret the text of this message according to MY meaning).

:) :) :) :)

Unknown said...

Your silly dude!

Joe said...

John,

What you're trying to tell me is, "Listen to what you mean not to what you say?"

Are you related to my wife?

Jeff Wright said...

Just wanted to say good post.

Anonymous said...

Great analogy Joe, as always!