Wal-Mart Consumes People

Really, it does. I have the proof.

The other day I went to Wal-Mart to pick up some medicine at the pharmacy. I drove around and around the parking lot and found not one parking space. I also noticed, as I drove hopelessly around, that there were no cars with people loading them up with purchased goods.

For over five minutes I drove seeing the same thing: no parking spaces and nobody loading their cars. The only logical conclusion to draw was that Wal-Mart was consuming the customers.

This has led me to understand that it is flat-out dangerous to enter Wal-Mart. The evidence seems to indicate that if one enters, he might never be heard from again.

Therefore one of my New Year resolutions is to avoid Wal-Mart at all costs.

Yeah. From now on I’ll do all of my shopping at SAM’s Club.