A PUN MY WORD

The ability to make and understand puns is considered to be
the highest level of language development. Test your pun
comprehension:

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead
raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry,
sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the
other and says, "Dam!"

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit
a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once
again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my
electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies
"Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and
were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came
out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?",
they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't
stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of
them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The
other goes to a family in Spain , they name him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth
mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
Ahmal."

8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments,
so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since
everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival
florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He
asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He
went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.
So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest
and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd
be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did
so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist
Friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the
time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his
feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail
and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This
made him ... a super callused fragile mystic hexed by
halitosis.

10. And finally, Patriot Humor sent ten different puns to
their subscribers, with the hope that at least one of the
puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.