I REFUSE TO BE A RELIGIOUS PERSON

A man told me the other day, "I don't believe in religion.

My response surprised him. I said, "I don't either."

Here's why: Religion says, "If I obey, God will love me." Gospel says, "Because God loves me, I can obey."

Religion has good people & bad people. Gospel has only repentant and unrepentant people.

Religion values a birth in the family. Gospel values a new birth in a life.

Religion depends on what I do. Gospel depends on what Jesus has done.

Religion claims that sanctification justifies me. Gospel claims that justification enables sanctification.

Religion has man reaching up to God. Gospel has the God reaching down to man.

Religion sees hardships as punishment for sin. Gospel sees hardship as sanctified affliction.

Religion is about me. Gospel is about Jesus.

Religion believes appearing as a good person is the key. Gospel believes that trusting Christ's finished work at Calvary is the key.

Religion has an uncertainty of standing before God. Gospel has certainty based upon Jesus' work.

Religion sees Jesus as the means. Gospel sees Jesus as the end.

Religion ends in pride or despair. Gospel ends in humble joy.

Religion says "If I can do enough good things, God will accept me." Gospel says, "Jesus has done the good work and therefore God will accept me."

Religion says, "Obey the Moral Law of God and He will love you. Gospel says, "Christ has fulfilled the Law on your behalf."

Religion says, "Your good works will impress God." Gospel says, "Without faith it is impossible to please God."

Religion says, "If I don't sin, I'll be saved." Gospel says, "All have sinned and come short of the glory of God."

Religion says, "I'm as good as the other guy." Gospel says, "Christ is the standard."

Religion says, "Keep looking for everlasting life." Gospel says, "Whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."

WHAT'S IN YOUR SPIRITUAL WALLET?

You've seen the television commercials for Mastercard.

They start by identifying some things that people can buy with their Mastercard, then show a moment that is priceless and end by saying, "There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's Mastercard."

I Corinthians 5:20 tells us: "Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ's stead, be ye reconciled to God."

You see, our lives are to be a "commercial" for others to see.

We should be a card carrying representative for the Master's Card. That's right, the MASTER'S CARD.

Let me tell you about it.

There are no finance charges, no payments due. The bill has already been covered...it's a pre-paid deal.

We couldn't afford the price, so Jesus stepped in and paid it for us.

Our name is written on the card for all to see.

It is accessible twenty-four hours a day from anywhere in the world.

The MASTER'S CARD has so many benefits it's hard to list them all.

Let me share some of them with you...you might want to apply for a personal card yourself.

Just for starters there is UNLIMITED GRACE.

That's right, there is no preset limit to the amount of grace you receive from the MASTER'S CARD.

Have you been looking for love in all the wrong places?

Then,look no farther than the MASTER'S CARD.

It offers the greatest rate on love that has ever been offered.

The MASTER'S CARD gives you access to many "members only" benefits.

Want real joy despite the difficulties of life?

Apply for the MASTER'S CARD.

Want a lasting peace?

Apply for the MASTER'S CARD.

Looking for something you can always rely on in a jam?

The MASTER'S CARD is perfect for you.

Another great thing about the MASTER'S CARD is that it never expires.

Once you're a member, you're a memberfor life...eternal life, that is.

Membership has its privileges, you know.

How do you receive the MASTER'S CARD?

Try Romans 10:9 "...if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved."

Jesus is standing by right now to take application.

Don't delay. This great offer won't last forever.

Peace, joy and hope: Invaluable.

Faith, contentment and assurance: Inestimable.

Salvation: Priceless.

There are some things money can't buy.

For those, there's the Master's Card.

Christian, why not be an advertisement for the MASTER'S CARD.

Let you life be a commercial today forJesus Christ.

DISORDER IN THE COURT

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 15th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reboks.
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? __________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you kidding me?__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Uh.... This is a joke, right?

__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Are you kidding me? Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________

I Corinthians 14:10

Let all things be done decently and in order.

SUNDAY SING

Lord Lay Some Soul Upon My Heart
WORDS: anonymous
MUSIC: B.B. McKinney



Hear it here: http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php?t=h&n=932


Lord lay some soul upon my heart,
And love that sould through me;
And may I bravely do my part
To win that soul for Thee.

Some soul for Thee, some soul for Thee,
This is my earnest plea;
Help me each day, on life's highway
To win some soul for Thee.

Lord, lead me to some soul in sin,
And grant that I may be
Imbued with pow'r and love to win
That soul, deal Lord, for Thee.

Some soul for Thee, some soul for Thee,
This is my earnest plea;
Help me each day, on life's highway
To win some soul for Thee.

To win that soul for Thee alone
Will be my constant prayer;
That when I've reached my heav'n-ly home
I'll meet that dear one there

Some soul for Thee, some soul for Thee,
This is my earnest plea;
Help me each day, on life's highway
To win some soul for Thee.

WHO'S SORRY NOW?

Me, that's who.

I have not devoted much time to this blog, which was originally supposed to be my personal journal and spiritual blog.

But I got side-tracked by the political scene, and my political blog, Jo-Joe Politico .

I have decided to divide...my time, that is... between the two blogs and see whether or not I can keep up.

This blog will be eclectic or electric or something like that, with a myriad of topics, opinions and philosophies.

The other, Jo-Joe Politico , will continue to be political in nature.

What I will be offering here will be my humble, but correct, opinions on just about everything.

My rules will be the same and may be read over in the right hand column.

Hope you enjoy and are blessed by this new effort.

NICE SETTING

I was sent this link in an email.

Enjoy.


http://www.openmyeyeslord.net/UltimateFreedom.htm

THE CELEBRATION

"What a day this will be!"

He was full of energy and rarin' to go.

His voice was like a thousand fingernails on a thousand chalkboards.

"Is everything ready?"

"How about the feast? Is the feast prepared?"

"What are we having? Lamb? I will LOVE eating the lamb!"

"What about the decorations? Did we have enough?"

"Do we have ample seating? There will be billions coming!"

The sun had gone down Saturday night, but he couldn't sleep.

As Sunday, the day of the celebration drew nigh, he had the mother of all caffine jitters

"What about the throne? Is the throne in place? "

"And the crown! I'll need the crown!"

"Somebody get the crown!"

"And turn off that incessant rumbling"

"What is that rumbling?"

"Is there something wrong with the sound system?"

"Why is it so loud?"

"It's hurting my ears!"

"Uh, a thousand pardons, Your Highness. But the sound system has not yet been turned on."

"Not on? What do you mean, 'Not on?'"

"I can hear it. Don't you think I know what I hear? See to it at once!"

"Yes, Your Lightship. At once."

"And why is the ground trembling?"

"We can't have the ground shaking during the celebration!"

"I can hardly stand!"

"Somebody see to it that the ground stops trembling before the celebration or there will be heads rolling!"

"And that noise! Stop the noise!"

"It hurts like...like Hell!"
"Uh, master, we need to tell you something."

"Tell me what? What do you need to tell me?"

"It's the tomb, Master. Something's wrong at the tomb."

"What 'Something's wrong at the tomb?'"

"What are you talking about? Speak up, man! What's wrong at the tomb?"

"The stone, Master. The stone has been....well, the stone has been...rolled away!"
"Say what?"

"It took eight Romans to put that stone there and Caesar put his seal on it."

"The stone CAN"T be rolled away!"

"Yes, Master, of course. No one could roll away a stone that large."

"But Master, I'm afraid the stone is rolled away!"

"Are...you...sure?"

"There must be some mistake."

"No mistake, Master. The stone is rolled away."

"Rolled away. Rolled away? ROLLED AWAY?"

"What can this mean, rolled away?"

"Could it be...nonononono. That's not possible."

Lucifer's heart was raging!

"Quickly!"

"To the tomb."

"See for myself."

"Oh no! It's gone!"

"That can only mean..."

"No."

"NO!"
"NO-OOOOOOOOOOO!"

MEANWHILE

The gates and doors were barred
And all the windows fastened down
I spent the night in sleeplessness
And rose at every sound
Half in hopeless sorrow
And half in fear the day
Would find the soldiers breakin' through
To drag us all away

And just before the sunrise
I heard something at the wall
The gate began to rattle
And a voice began to call
I hurried to the window
Looked down into the street
Expecting swords and torches
And the sound of soldiers' feet

But there was no one there but Mary
So I went down to let her in
John stood there beside me
As she told me where she'd been
She said they might have moved Him in the night
And none of us knows where
The stone's been rolled away
And now His body isn't there

We both ran toward the garden
Then John ran on ahead
We found the stone and empty tomb
Just the way that Mary said
But the winding sheet they wrapped Him in
Was just an empty shell
And how or where they'd taken Him
Was more than I could tell

Oh something strange had happened there
Just what I did not know
John believed a miracle
But I just turned to go
Circumstance and speculation
Couldn't lift me very high
'Cause I'd seen them crucify him
Then I saw him die

Back inside the house again
The guilt and anguish came
Everything I'd promised Him
Just added to my shame
When at last it came to choices
I denied I knew His name
And even if He was alive
It wouldn't be the same

But suddenly the air was filled
With a strange and sweet perfume
Light that came from everywhere
Drove the shadows from the room
And Jesus stood before me
With his arms held open wide
And I fell down on my knees
And I just clung to Him and cried

Then He raised me to my feet
And as I looked into His eyes
The love was shining out from
Him Like sunlight from the skies
Guilt in my confusion
Dissappeared in sweet release
And every fear I'd ever had
Just melted into peace

He's alive yes
He's alive Yes
He's alive and I'm forgiven
Heaven's gates are open wide
He's alive yes
He's alive
Oh He's alive and I'm forgiven
Heaven's gates are open wide

He's alive yes
He's alive
Hallelujah He's alive
He's alive and I'm forgiven
Heaven's gates are open wide

He's alive!

HE'S ALIVE

HE'S ALIVE! From: "He's Alive" by Don Francisco

Have a blessed Resurrection Sunday!

I invite you

TO A

CELEBRATION

SUNDAY AT NOON!

With Great Pride,

I, The Angel of Light

Invite you tothe

PARTY OF THE AGES

It will be a gas!

Come enjoy warmth like you've never known beforefor all eternity.

It is with joy that I announce to you

Jesus is dead!

God has lost the battle!

I have won!

Just as I knew I would!

I will now be King of the Ages!

I will sit on the throne of the Most High

I will command your respect

as I give you all the things I have been

holding for you as I have awaited this

Inevitible Day!

Don't miss out!

Come bow before me!

Come collect your wages!

BRING YOUR FRIENDS!

EVERYONE IS WELCOME!

Signed: Lucifer

Alias: Satan

CRUCIFIED

The beating had been unimaginable.

The long walk up Via Dolorosa had been long, and hot, and exhausting.

In His mortal body, Jesus had nothing left.

The ugly tree lay on the slope of the hill. Its base stretched toward the road below. Its crossbar reaching out like arms receiving a loved one.

Placing one foot behind Jesus' heel and a shoulder into his chest, the Roman gave a mighty shove.

Jesus collapsed onto the splinter-filled cross.

Seven of the eight guards manipulated Him into position and held him there.

There was no resistance.

Jesus had no strength left for that.

As one guard held the wretched man's arm against one crossbar, another placed the spike and raised the heavy mallet.

Michael looked back at the Father and pleaded, "I have a legion with me right now. Over ten thousand in number. We can go at your bidding and put a stop to this maddness. Please."

The Father's response was in that voice that did not invite argument.

"No. Stay where you are."

The mallet came down with force enough to drive the spike into the beam behind the hand.

The sound reverberated past Michael, surrounding the entire legion and echoing with deafening intensity in all of Heaven.

Lucifer chuckled in that hideous way he had.

Jesus, unable to muster the energy to do more, exhaled over His vocal chords with the sound of death.

The other arm.

The other crossbar.

Another swing of the mallet.

Heaven shook.

Michael turned away.

The Father looked on.

Lucifer snorted.

Now the feet were placed on their rest and crossed so that only one spike would be needed.

Once more the mallet.

Heaven's thunder roared.

Where there were no tears, Michael cried.

Still the Father did not move.

Lucifer hissed, "Yessssss!"

The eight men had no trouble lifting the tree and its occupant to the vertical.

They placed it over the prepared hole and dropped it in. It bottomed out with a jolt.Michael cried out with a loud voice.

The Father watched intently.

Lucifer almost danced with glee.

Jesus' body sagged at the sudden weight now pulling down on His hands and chest.His breath left Him.

When he could stand it no longer, he pushed against the footrest and raised his chest high enough to take in some air.

It was a gasp.

Then He spoke.

It was directly to God.

"Father, forgive them. They know not what they do."

Once again His body failed Him and He drooped.

One of the two being crucified next to Jesus that day, both convicted theives, looked over at the stuggling man and managed between his teeth, "If you are really the Messiah, save yourself, and us, too."

"Hey!" strained the other, "Leave him alone! Can't you see? We are getting what we deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong!"

With all he had left in that breath, he said to Jesus, "Please, remember me when you come into your kingdom."

Jesus had pulled Himself up once again."Believe me when I tell you this: today you will be with me in Paradise."

And then He slumped back down.

As he looked down He saw His mother in the crowd with the ever faithful John.

Struggling up to speak, "Blessed woman, look. He is now your son."

Collapse.

Pushing up, "Son, she will be your mother now."

The sun was bright and hot.

"I'm thirsty." It was all He could do this time.

A guard took a sponge and soaked it in sour wine vinegar.

He raised it to Jesus' lips.

Jesus recoiled.

Michael wept openly.

The Father had an expression never seen from eternity to eternity.

Now He looked no more.

He turned His back on Jesus.

The sky darkened with the breath of sin.

This time, as Jesus drew up to breathe, He could smell the eternal stinch of evil in the air.

"My God!"

Another breath of iniquity.

"My...GOD!"

Once more.

"WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?"

Michael withdrew. He could take it no longer.

The Father could not look upon sin, and so, kept His back to Jesus.

Lucifer, vomiting out the words, was beside himself with excitement, "We're winning! Im winning!"

Jesus summoned all the strength left in His ravaged body.

"Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit."

The sound filled the countryside. The corridors of Heaven shook under its pressure.

"IT"

"IS"

"F..I..N..I..S..H..E..D!"

His head dropped.

The Spirit left Him.

Lucifer sat down.

His eyes wide. His evil heart pounding.

The smell of awful victory was in the air.

"It is time for a celebration!"

HIS NAME WAS ANNAS

He was a high priest.

He shared high-priestly duties with Ciaphas because of familial and religious/political considerations.

It was on of Annas' responsibilities to oversee the affording of worship paraphernalia to those who came to the Temple for worship.

In fact, the "money changers" were all a part of a scheme called THE BAZAAR OF ANNAS.

He sold animals for sacrifice and changed currency into an "acceptable" form for giving.

Annas, himself, performed the blessing over the merchandise, declaring it "kosher."

In today's dollars, here is the way it would have worked:

Annas had "salesmen" at the tables in the outer court who sold doves that cost $2.00 each, and that would have "retailed" in the market for $6.00 a piece. Annas' price was $10.00.

Each salesman would have received $4.00 of the profit. Annas would have kept the additional $4.00 from each sale for himself.

In other words, Annas was extorting the worshippers, charging them more than the merchandise was worth, under the guise of providing them with the necessities for worship.

Jesus called Annas and his salesmen "thieves."

The question we might ask is, "Did Jesus call them thieves because they were merchandising, or because they were thieves?

According to John 18:12, Jesus was taken to Annas after His arrest in the garden.

Annas was probably miffed with Jesus.

'You know you're a redneck when......

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

5. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

6. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

7. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

8. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

9. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

10. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

11. Your grandmother has 'ammo' on her Christmas list.

12. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

13. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

14. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

15. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

16. You have a rag for a gas cap.

17. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

18. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

20. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

21. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

22. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say 'Cool Whip' on the side.

23. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

24. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

25. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

26. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

28. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

29. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

BOUDREAUX AND FRIENDS-JUST FOR FUN

Boudreaux live across the bayou from Clarence who he don like at all.

Dey all de time yell across de bayou at each other.

Boudreaux would yell to Clarence, "If I had a way to cross dis bayou, I'd come over dere an beat you up good, yeah!"

Dis went on for years.

Finally de state done built a bridge across dat bayou right by dere houses and Boudreaux's wife, Marie, say, "now is you chance, Boudreaux. Why don you go over der an beat up dat Clarence
like you say?"

Boudreaux say, "OK," and start across de bridge, but he see a sign on de bridge an he stop to read it and den he go back home.

Marie say, "Why you back so soon?"

And Boudreaux say, "Marie I dun change my mind 'bout beatin' up dat Clarence. You know Marie, dey got a sign on dat dere bridge dat say, "Clarence 13 ft. 6 in." You know, he don look near dat big when I yell at him across the bayou."

Boudreaux, Thibodaux & St. Pierre been on dis island for 5 long years.

One day St. Pierre was walking along da beach when he found dis bottle. He brought it to da camp dey built and opened it.

A genie popped out and said,"I grant 3 wishes and since there are 3 of ya'll, you each get 1 wish.
Since you found me, St. Pierre, you get the first wish."

St. Pierre said,"I am from Cut Off and I wanna go back home." So den he was back home.

Thibodaux said,"I am from Galliano and I wanna go back home." So den Thibodaux was back home.

Boudreaux,him, he had to think a while. He said,"You know sha, I am kinda lonley, I wish my 2 podnas were back here!"

One day Boudreax and Thibodaux were watching TV.

A good commercial about a movie came on and it said, "Coming To A Theatre Near You."

Boudreaux looked at Thibodaux and said, "Thib how they know where we live?"

Thibodeaux: Boudreaux, did you get the parrot I sent you for your birthday?

Boudreaux: Yes, it was good!

Thibodeaux: You ate the bird!

Boudreaux: Of Course I ate it.

Thibodeaux: That bird spoke five different languages!

Boudreaux: Then he should have said something.

Boudreaux was at the bar every day drinking beer.

Well Thibodaux wanted to teach Boudreaux a lesson, so he told the bartender to give him a glass of water and a glass of beer.

Thibodaux went outside and found two worms.

He put one in the water and it wiggled around, he put the other one in the beer and it curled up and died.

Thibodaux asked Boudreaux, "What did you learn?"

Boudreaux said, "If I keep drinking beer I wont get worms."

Boudreaux and Thibodaux died and went to Heaven.

When they got to the Gate, they met ol' Saint Pete.

They said, "Saint Pete, beb, how you been?" and Saint Pete said, "Mais ok, sha, but ah got bad news for you Boudreaux. You been so bad on Earth, you got to spend all Eternity with a ugly woman."

Boudreaux was pretty sad but he said, "Well, if ah hafto, ah hafto."

So the next day him and his ugly woman was walking down the golden street when they saw Thibodaux and he was with Cindy Crawford!

So Boudreaux went talk to Saint Pete.

He said, "Saint Pete, sha, come see. Ah think we got a mistake here. How come Thibodaux gets Cindy Crawford and Ah got stuck with a ugly woman!"

Saint Pete said, :"Aw, Boudreaux, you dont understand! Cindy Crawford got stuck with Thibodaux!"

Thibodeaux: Boudreaux, What's the score?

Boudreaux: Seven to Ten.

Thibodeaux: Who's winning?

Boudreaux: The ten.

One day Boudreaux saw Thibodeaux and asked him why he was so bruised up.

Thibodeaux replied that he had been riding a bull, and his foot got stuck when he fell off.

The bull kept dragging him around until the Wal-Mart manager came and unplugged it.

A signal adventure: Dan Burkhalter, the Carencro Curmudgeon, tells of the time Boudreaux and Thibodeaux went hunting and got lost in the woods.

When Boudreaux began lamenting their fate, Thibodeaux said, "You know, I heard that the best thing to do if you get lost is to fire three shots in the air."

So they did that, and waited a while. When no rescue party showed up, they fired three more shots in the air.

Finally, when there was still no response, Thibodeaux said, "Well, I guess we better fire three more shots."

"OK, if you say so," said Boudreaux. "But somebody better come soon-- we're about out of arrows!"

Boudreaux was sitting in the City Bar in Maurice, La. one Saturday night, and had several beers under his belt.

After a while, he looks at the guy sitting next to him, and asks him, "Hey, you wanna hear a good Aggie joke, you?

The big guy replies, "Let me tell you something. I'm an oilfield roughneck, I weigh 270 pounds, and I don't like Cajuns. My buddy here is a pro football player, weighs 300 pounds, and he doesn't like Cajuns either. His friend on his other side, is a professional wrestler, weighs 320 pounds, always has a chip on his shoulder, and he likes Cajuns even less than we do, and we are all Aggies. Do you really want to tell us an Aggie joke ?"

Boudreaux, all 150 pounds of Cajun attitude, tells him, "Well, I guess not. After all I don't want to have to explain it three times !"

A long time ago, Boudreaux and Thibodeaux decided to go out west.

They were in a covered wagon but somehow got separated from the wagon train.

Boudreaux was in the front driving while Thibodeaux was relaxing in the back. All of a sudden, Boudreaux heard a yell from Thibodeaux in the back: "Hey, Boudreaux, there's Indians on horses back here chasing us."

Boudreaux said, "Thibodeaux, how big are they?"

Holding his finger and thumb about 2 inches apart, Thibodeaux said, "Mais, Boudreaux, they only about this big."

"That's okay, Thibodeaux," Boudreaux said. "Tell me when dey get bigger."

About ten minutes later, Boudreaux yelled out, "Hey, Thibodeaux, how big are those Indians?"

"Mais, Boudreaux, dey are about tree feet tall."

Boudreaux yelled back, "That's still okay, Thibodeaux, but tell me when dey get bigger."

Ten minutes after that, Boudreaux cried out again, "Thibodeaux, how big are those Indians now."

"Mais, Boudreaux, dey as big as you and me!!"

"Well, shoot 'em!" screamed Boudreaux, "shoot 'em!"

"Mais, Boudreaux, I can't," said Thibodeaux, holding his finger and thumb about 2 inches apart. "I've known 'em since they was dis big!"

A PUN MY WORD II

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in
his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. "How To Be An Insurance Salesman" by Justin Case.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

WHAT PETS WRITE IN THEIR DIARIES

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


Excerpts from a Cat 's Daily Diary...

Day 983 of my captivity...

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The Difference Between Dogs and Cats

The dog looks up at me and says:

You feed me;

You pet me;

You play with me;

You give me a home;

You give me a bed;

YOU MUST BE GOD!


The cat looks disdainfully at me and says:

You feed me;

You pet me;

You play with me;

You give me a home;

You give me a bed;

I MUST BE GOD

TAKE THE A TRAIN with STEVE GADD

I know, it's Sunday and we're supposed to play "spiritual" music.

Well, I'm of the unpopular opinion that all music has a spiritual dimension to it.

This is nine minutes long, but really worth it.

I found about it from, of all places, a usually political blog called, Snaggletoothie , which I highly recommend daily, but this was special.

I found the bass solo to be exceptional and the drum solo one of the best I've heard since Gene Krupa or Buddy Rich.

Give it a listen.

It's well done.

A PUN MY WORD

This was sent to me in an email.

A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN RE-WORD

Energizer bunny arrested - charged with battery.

A pessimist's blood type is always B-negative.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)

A backwards poet writes inverse.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

I LOVE BLOGSURFING

There is no way I would ever get on a surf board. Not only could I not stand up on one (never mind that it would constantly be yelling at me, "Get off, you big oaf!"), ever since the movie, "Jaws" I have been nervous about venturing into the ocean.

However, one sport I love is "blog-surfing."

I visit my favorite blog and then visit all of the blogs on its blog roll.

I was over at The Doctor Is In (The Doctor Is In ) and clicked on a commenter's back-link (or whatever you call it).

What a reward!

This has to be one of the most unsung, overlooked blessings in the blogosphere!

I really enjoyed it.

I think you will, too.

Give it a try at The Retreiver .

WHAT A RELIEF!

Five years ago, the Christian radio station at which I worked was sold to a local man who had always wanted and prayed to own a Christian station.

He felt that when he was able to buy WJYO and WBIY from Toccoa Falls College, God had answered his prayer.

What God calls you to, God equips you for...that is an eternal absolute.

If God does not equip you for a task, He does not call you to a task.

The man who bought the station understands business.

He does not understand ministry.

If Christian radio is not a ministry, it is worthless.

Business says, "I'll do this for you if you'll do that for me."

Ministry says, "What can I do for you in Jesus name?"

Funny thing is, when a ministry is operated as a business it struggles and ultimately fails.

When a ministry is operated as a ministry, it succeeds.

If a "ministry" is failing, the best course of action is to discover how to conduct more ministry related to its mission.

This particular Christian radio ministry is struggling, mostly because it is conceptually not a ministry, it is a business.

Too bad.

As I stated in my previous post, I have disassociated myself from the radio station.

My plan (which I believe is God's plan for me) is to take a week off (which I have not had in years), relax a while and see where God leads.

Many of you know that I have had health issues, specifically with my heart. I've had heart attacks, atrial fibrillation and stents inserted in my arteries.

Each time the CEO of the station went into one of his patented rages over an issue, my chest would begin hurting. This past Tuesday he had one and I went into atrial fibrillation.

Yesterday was my first full day of unemployment, and I must say it was the most peaceful, day I have had in five years, even though I was very busy all day long.

Today I feel the same. I have energy to do what I do, no chest pain at all, I am rested, and spiritually in tune with God through Christ.

It is a glorious day!

Thank you for your prayers. I covet them to continue as I seek God's plan for my future, whatever that plan is.

A CAREER ENDING MOVE

Over fifty years in ministry and 27 years in Christian radio has come to an end today.

The man who owns the station, a historically volatile person at best, came in today wanting to know what went wrong with a program.

I did not know the answer and said I would have to investigate, and would probably have an answer by this afternoon.

That did not satisfy him and he went into a tirade, which set my heart into atrial fibrillation.

I am not afraid to die, and would gladly die for my wife, my country and/or for other just causes, but I will not die because of some one's inability to control their anger.

So I resigned my post as Production Director at the Christian radio station at which I work.

I don't know how I am going to make it economically, or what God's next move in my life will be, but I'm going to take a few days to consider it before making a decision.

Please keep me and my sweet wife, who agrees with my decision, in your prayers.

We will need a lot.

WORD FUN AND DAFFY DEFINITIONS

Someone sent me these the other day and I thought I would share them.

I was right...I am sharing them.

By changing one letter in the original word one can come up with a similar word with a PC or otherwise meaning.

1. Cashtration: The act of buying a house which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite perion of time.

2. Intaxication The Euphoria one develops when receiving a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

3. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

8. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

9. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

10. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.