HOPE YOU HAD A HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

WANT TO BE STOLEN FROM?

Think about it.

Do you realize that all anger results from not getting your own way?

Don't misunderstand.

Anger is not always bad.

Sometimes getting your own way is good because it happens to be the right way.

Nevertheless, learning to properly deal with and express anger so as to be productive rather than unproductive is very important. Anger is a natural emotion that each of us experiences.

When used correctly it can motivate us into action to complete a task or right an injustice.

This type of anger can give us a strong sense of accomplishment when we take immediate action to correct the injustice or perceived wrong.

However, anger can also be a thief.

When someone directs anger negatively toward themselves or others, anger steals from that person.

10 Things Anger Steals from You:

1. Anger can steal your time.

2. Anger can steal your energy.

3. Anger can steal your self-respect.

4. Anger can steal your relationships with family, friends and co-workers.

5. Anger can steal your ability to communicate effectively.

6. Anger can steal your sense of right and wrong.

7. Anger can steal your vision of the future.

8. Anger can steal your health.

9. Anger can steal your sense of well being.

10. Anger can steal your problem-solving skills.

If you don’t control your anger, it will control you. Uncontrolled anger is giving your personal power to someone or something else.

An important part of growing up is learning how to effectively deal with anger issues.

Questions you might like to ask yourself:

1. Is my anger holding me back from developing relationships, setting goals or effectively communicating my ideas?

2. Where is my anger directed?

3. What caused me to get upset?

4. Who can I talk with to help me understand my anger issues?

5. Is my anger to a point that I need some professional advice?

Quote for Discussion:

"To overcome difficulties is to experience the full delight of existence."

Ephesians 4:26 "In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." (NIV)

SUNDAY SING, MAY 3

"Come, Thou Almighty King"
by Unknown Author

Hear it here: http://www2.mp3raid.com/search/download-mp3/4/instrumental_hymns.html

1. Come, Thou almighty King,
Help us Thy name to sing,
Help us to praise!
Father all-glorious,
O'er all victorious,
Come and reign over us,
Ancient of Days.

2. Come, Thou Incarnate Word,
Gird on Thy mighty sword,
Our prayer attend;
Come and Thy people bless
And give Thy Word success;
Stablish Thy righteousness,
Savior and Friend!

3. Come, holy Comforter,
Thy sacred witness bear
In this glad hour.
Thou, who almighty art,
Now rule in every heart
And ne'er from us depart,
Spirit of Power!

4. To the great One in Three
Eternal praises be
Hence evermore!
His sovereign majesty
May we in glory see
And to eternity
Love and adore!

I REFUSE TO BE A RELIGIOUS PERSON

A man told me the other day, "I don't believe in religion.

My response surprised him. I said, "I don't either."

Here's why: Religion says, "If I obey, God will love me." Gospel says, "Because God loves me, I can obey."

Religion has good people & bad people. Gospel has only repentant and unrepentant people.

Religion values a birth in the family. Gospel values a new birth in a life.

Religion depends on what I do. Gospel depends on what Jesus has done.

Religion claims that sanctification justifies me. Gospel claims that justification enables sanctification.

Religion has man reaching up to God. Gospel has the God reaching down to man.

Religion sees hardships as punishment for sin. Gospel sees hardship as sanctified affliction.

Religion is about me. Gospel is about Jesus.

Religion believes appearing as a good person is the key. Gospel believes that trusting Christ's finished work at Calvary is the key.

Religion has an uncertainty of standing before God. Gospel has certainty based upon Jesus' work.

Religion sees Jesus as the means. Gospel sees Jesus as the end.

Religion ends in pride or despair. Gospel ends in humble joy.

Religion says "If I can do enough good things, God will accept me." Gospel says, "Jesus has done the good work and therefore God will accept me."

Religion says, "Obey the Moral Law of God and He will love you. Gospel says, "Christ has fulfilled the Law on your behalf."

Religion says, "Your good works will impress God." Gospel says, "Without faith it is impossible to please God."

Religion says, "If I don't sin, I'll be saved." Gospel says, "All have sinned and come short of the glory of God."

Religion says, "I'm as good as the other guy." Gospel says, "Christ is the standard."

Religion says, "Keep looking for everlasting life." Gospel says, "Whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."

WHAT'S IN YOUR SPIRITUAL WALLET?

You've seen the television commercials for Mastercard.

They start by identifying some things that people can buy with their Mastercard, then show a moment that is priceless and end by saying, "There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's Mastercard."

I Corinthians 5:20 tells us: "Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ's stead, be ye reconciled to God."

You see, our lives are to be a "commercial" for others to see.

We should be a card carrying representative for the Master's Card. That's right, the MASTER'S CARD.

Let me tell you about it.

There are no finance charges, no payments due. The bill has already been covered...it's a pre-paid deal.

We couldn't afford the price, so Jesus stepped in and paid it for us.

Our name is written on the card for all to see.

It is accessible twenty-four hours a day from anywhere in the world.

The MASTER'S CARD has so many benefits it's hard to list them all.

Let me share some of them with you...you might want to apply for a personal card yourself.

Just for starters there is UNLIMITED GRACE.

That's right, there is no preset limit to the amount of grace you receive from the MASTER'S CARD.

Have you been looking for love in all the wrong places?

Then,look no farther than the MASTER'S CARD.

It offers the greatest rate on love that has ever been offered.

The MASTER'S CARD gives you access to many "members only" benefits.

Want real joy despite the difficulties of life?

Apply for the MASTER'S CARD.

Want a lasting peace?

Apply for the MASTER'S CARD.

Looking for something you can always rely on in a jam?

The MASTER'S CARD is perfect for you.

Another great thing about the MASTER'S CARD is that it never expires.

Once you're a member, you're a memberfor life...eternal life, that is.

Membership has its privileges, you know.

How do you receive the MASTER'S CARD?

Try Romans 10:9 "...if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved."

Jesus is standing by right now to take application.

Don't delay. This great offer won't last forever.

Peace, joy and hope: Invaluable.

Faith, contentment and assurance: Inestimable.

Salvation: Priceless.

There are some things money can't buy.

For those, there's the Master's Card.

Christian, why not be an advertisement for the MASTER'S CARD.

Let you life be a commercial today forJesus Christ.

DISORDER IN THE COURT

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 15th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reboks.
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? __________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you kidding me?__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Uh.... This is a joke, right?

__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Are you kidding me? Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________

I Corinthians 14:10

Let all things be done decently and in order.

SUNDAY SING

Lord Lay Some Soul Upon My Heart
WORDS: anonymous
MUSIC: B.B. McKinney



Hear it here: http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php?t=h&n=932


Lord lay some soul upon my heart,
And love that sould through me;
And may I bravely do my part
To win that soul for Thee.

Some soul for Thee, some soul for Thee,
This is my earnest plea;
Help me each day, on life's highway
To win some soul for Thee.

Lord, lead me to some soul in sin,
And grant that I may be
Imbued with pow'r and love to win
That soul, deal Lord, for Thee.

Some soul for Thee, some soul for Thee,
This is my earnest plea;
Help me each day, on life's highway
To win some soul for Thee.

To win that soul for Thee alone
Will be my constant prayer;
That when I've reached my heav'n-ly home
I'll meet that dear one there

Some soul for Thee, some soul for Thee,
This is my earnest plea;
Help me each day, on life's highway
To win some soul for Thee.

WHO'S SORRY NOW?

Me, that's who.

I have not devoted much time to this blog, which was originally supposed to be my personal journal and spiritual blog.

But I got side-tracked by the political scene, and my political blog, Jo-Joe Politico .

I have decided to divide...my time, that is... between the two blogs and see whether or not I can keep up.

This blog will be eclectic or electric or something like that, with a myriad of topics, opinions and philosophies.

The other, Jo-Joe Politico , will continue to be political in nature.

What I will be offering here will be my humble, but correct, opinions on just about everything.

My rules will be the same and may be read over in the right hand column.

Hope you enjoy and are blessed by this new effort.

NICE SETTING

I was sent this link in an email.

Enjoy.


http://www.openmyeyeslord.net/UltimateFreedom.htm

THE CELEBRATION

"What a day this will be!"

He was full of energy and rarin' to go.

His voice was like a thousand fingernails on a thousand chalkboards.

"Is everything ready?"

"How about the feast? Is the feast prepared?"

"What are we having? Lamb? I will LOVE eating the lamb!"

"What about the decorations? Did we have enough?"

"Do we have ample seating? There will be billions coming!"

The sun had gone down Saturday night, but he couldn't sleep.

As Sunday, the day of the celebration drew nigh, he had the mother of all caffine jitters

"What about the throne? Is the throne in place? "

"And the crown! I'll need the crown!"

"Somebody get the crown!"

"And turn off that incessant rumbling"

"What is that rumbling?"

"Is there something wrong with the sound system?"

"Why is it so loud?"

"It's hurting my ears!"

"Uh, a thousand pardons, Your Highness. But the sound system has not yet been turned on."

"Not on? What do you mean, 'Not on?'"

"I can hear it. Don't you think I know what I hear? See to it at once!"

"Yes, Your Lightship. At once."

"And why is the ground trembling?"

"We can't have the ground shaking during the celebration!"

"I can hardly stand!"

"Somebody see to it that the ground stops trembling before the celebration or there will be heads rolling!"

"And that noise! Stop the noise!"

"It hurts like...like Hell!"
"Uh, master, we need to tell you something."

"Tell me what? What do you need to tell me?"

"It's the tomb, Master. Something's wrong at the tomb."

"What 'Something's wrong at the tomb?'"

"What are you talking about? Speak up, man! What's wrong at the tomb?"

"The stone, Master. The stone has been....well, the stone has been...rolled away!"
"Say what?"

"It took eight Romans to put that stone there and Caesar put his seal on it."

"The stone CAN"T be rolled away!"

"Yes, Master, of course. No one could roll away a stone that large."

"But Master, I'm afraid the stone is rolled away!"

"Are...you...sure?"

"There must be some mistake."

"No mistake, Master. The stone is rolled away."

"Rolled away. Rolled away? ROLLED AWAY?"

"What can this mean, rolled away?"

"Could it be...nonononono. That's not possible."

Lucifer's heart was raging!

"Quickly!"

"To the tomb."

"See for myself."

"Oh no! It's gone!"

"That can only mean..."

"No."

"NO!"
"NO-OOOOOOOOOOO!"

MEANWHILE

The gates and doors were barred
And all the windows fastened down
I spent the night in sleeplessness
And rose at every sound
Half in hopeless sorrow
And half in fear the day
Would find the soldiers breakin' through
To drag us all away

And just before the sunrise
I heard something at the wall
The gate began to rattle
And a voice began to call
I hurried to the window
Looked down into the street
Expecting swords and torches
And the sound of soldiers' feet

But there was no one there but Mary
So I went down to let her in
John stood there beside me
As she told me where she'd been
She said they might have moved Him in the night
And none of us knows where
The stone's been rolled away
And now His body isn't there

We both ran toward the garden
Then John ran on ahead
We found the stone and empty tomb
Just the way that Mary said
But the winding sheet they wrapped Him in
Was just an empty shell
And how or where they'd taken Him
Was more than I could tell

Oh something strange had happened there
Just what I did not know
John believed a miracle
But I just turned to go
Circumstance and speculation
Couldn't lift me very high
'Cause I'd seen them crucify him
Then I saw him die

Back inside the house again
The guilt and anguish came
Everything I'd promised Him
Just added to my shame
When at last it came to choices
I denied I knew His name
And even if He was alive
It wouldn't be the same

But suddenly the air was filled
With a strange and sweet perfume
Light that came from everywhere
Drove the shadows from the room
And Jesus stood before me
With his arms held open wide
And I fell down on my knees
And I just clung to Him and cried

Then He raised me to my feet
And as I looked into His eyes
The love was shining out from
Him Like sunlight from the skies
Guilt in my confusion
Dissappeared in sweet release
And every fear I'd ever had
Just melted into peace

He's alive yes
He's alive Yes
He's alive and I'm forgiven
Heaven's gates are open wide
He's alive yes
He's alive
Oh He's alive and I'm forgiven
Heaven's gates are open wide

He's alive yes
He's alive
Hallelujah He's alive
He's alive and I'm forgiven
Heaven's gates are open wide

He's alive!

HE'S ALIVE

HE'S ALIVE! From: "He's Alive" by Don Francisco

Have a blessed Resurrection Sunday!

I invite you

TO A

CELEBRATION

SUNDAY AT NOON!

With Great Pride,

I, The Angel of Light

Invite you tothe

PARTY OF THE AGES

It will be a gas!

Come enjoy warmth like you've never known beforefor all eternity.

It is with joy that I announce to you

Jesus is dead!

God has lost the battle!

I have won!

Just as I knew I would!

I will now be King of the Ages!

I will sit on the throne of the Most High

I will command your respect

as I give you all the things I have been

holding for you as I have awaited this

Inevitible Day!

Don't miss out!

Come bow before me!

Come collect your wages!

BRING YOUR FRIENDS!

EVERYONE IS WELCOME!

Signed: Lucifer

Alias: Satan

CRUCIFIED

The beating had been unimaginable.

The long walk up Via Dolorosa had been long, and hot, and exhausting.

In His mortal body, Jesus had nothing left.

The ugly tree lay on the slope of the hill. Its base stretched toward the road below. Its crossbar reaching out like arms receiving a loved one.

Placing one foot behind Jesus' heel and a shoulder into his chest, the Roman gave a mighty shove.

Jesus collapsed onto the splinter-filled cross.

Seven of the eight guards manipulated Him into position and held him there.

There was no resistance.

Jesus had no strength left for that.

As one guard held the wretched man's arm against one crossbar, another placed the spike and raised the heavy mallet.

Michael looked back at the Father and pleaded, "I have a legion with me right now. Over ten thousand in number. We can go at your bidding and put a stop to this maddness. Please."

The Father's response was in that voice that did not invite argument.

"No. Stay where you are."

The mallet came down with force enough to drive the spike into the beam behind the hand.

The sound reverberated past Michael, surrounding the entire legion and echoing with deafening intensity in all of Heaven.

Lucifer chuckled in that hideous way he had.

Jesus, unable to muster the energy to do more, exhaled over His vocal chords with the sound of death.

The other arm.

The other crossbar.

Another swing of the mallet.

Heaven shook.

Michael turned away.

The Father looked on.

Lucifer snorted.

Now the feet were placed on their rest and crossed so that only one spike would be needed.

Once more the mallet.

Heaven's thunder roared.

Where there were no tears, Michael cried.

Still the Father did not move.

Lucifer hissed, "Yessssss!"

The eight men had no trouble lifting the tree and its occupant to the vertical.

They placed it over the prepared hole and dropped it in. It bottomed out with a jolt.Michael cried out with a loud voice.

The Father watched intently.

Lucifer almost danced with glee.

Jesus' body sagged at the sudden weight now pulling down on His hands and chest.His breath left Him.

When he could stand it no longer, he pushed against the footrest and raised his chest high enough to take in some air.

It was a gasp.

Then He spoke.

It was directly to God.

"Father, forgive them. They know not what they do."

Once again His body failed Him and He drooped.

One of the two being crucified next to Jesus that day, both convicted theives, looked over at the stuggling man and managed between his teeth, "If you are really the Messiah, save yourself, and us, too."

"Hey!" strained the other, "Leave him alone! Can't you see? We are getting what we deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong!"

With all he had left in that breath, he said to Jesus, "Please, remember me when you come into your kingdom."

Jesus had pulled Himself up once again."Believe me when I tell you this: today you will be with me in Paradise."

And then He slumped back down.

As he looked down He saw His mother in the crowd with the ever faithful John.

Struggling up to speak, "Blessed woman, look. He is now your son."

Collapse.

Pushing up, "Son, she will be your mother now."

The sun was bright and hot.

"I'm thirsty." It was all He could do this time.

A guard took a sponge and soaked it in sour wine vinegar.

He raised it to Jesus' lips.

Jesus recoiled.

Michael wept openly.

The Father had an expression never seen from eternity to eternity.

Now He looked no more.

He turned His back on Jesus.

The sky darkened with the breath of sin.

This time, as Jesus drew up to breathe, He could smell the eternal stinch of evil in the air.

"My God!"

Another breath of iniquity.

"My...GOD!"

Once more.

"WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?"

Michael withdrew. He could take it no longer.

The Father could not look upon sin, and so, kept His back to Jesus.

Lucifer, vomiting out the words, was beside himself with excitement, "We're winning! Im winning!"

Jesus summoned all the strength left in His ravaged body.

"Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit."

The sound filled the countryside. The corridors of Heaven shook under its pressure.

"IT"

"IS"

"F..I..N..I..S..H..E..D!"

His head dropped.

The Spirit left Him.

Lucifer sat down.

His eyes wide. His evil heart pounding.

The smell of awful victory was in the air.

"It is time for a celebration!"

HIS NAME WAS ANNAS

He was a high priest.

He shared high-priestly duties with Ciaphas because of familial and religious/political considerations.

It was on of Annas' responsibilities to oversee the affording of worship paraphernalia to those who came to the Temple for worship.

In fact, the "money changers" were all a part of a scheme called THE BAZAAR OF ANNAS.

He sold animals for sacrifice and changed currency into an "acceptable" form for giving.

Annas, himself, performed the blessing over the merchandise, declaring it "kosher."

In today's dollars, here is the way it would have worked:

Annas had "salesmen" at the tables in the outer court who sold doves that cost $2.00 each, and that would have "retailed" in the market for $6.00 a piece. Annas' price was $10.00.

Each salesman would have received $4.00 of the profit. Annas would have kept the additional $4.00 from each sale for himself.

In other words, Annas was extorting the worshippers, charging them more than the merchandise was worth, under the guise of providing them with the necessities for worship.

Jesus called Annas and his salesmen "thieves."

The question we might ask is, "Did Jesus call them thieves because they were merchandising, or because they were thieves?

According to John 18:12, Jesus was taken to Annas after His arrest in the garden.

Annas was probably miffed with Jesus.

'You know you're a redneck when......

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

5. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

6. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

7. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

8. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

9. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

10. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

11. Your grandmother has 'ammo' on her Christmas list.

12. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

13. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

14. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

15. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

16. You have a rag for a gas cap.

17. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

18. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

20. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

21. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

22. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say 'Cool Whip' on the side.

23. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

24. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

25. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

26. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

28. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

29. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

BOUDREAUX AND FRIENDS-JUST FOR FUN

Boudreaux live across the bayou from Clarence who he don like at all.

Dey all de time yell across de bayou at each other.

Boudreaux would yell to Clarence, "If I had a way to cross dis bayou, I'd come over dere an beat you up good, yeah!"

Dis went on for years.

Finally de state done built a bridge across dat bayou right by dere houses and Boudreaux's wife, Marie, say, "now is you chance, Boudreaux. Why don you go over der an beat up dat Clarence
like you say?"

Boudreaux say, "OK," and start across de bridge, but he see a sign on de bridge an he stop to read it and den he go back home.

Marie say, "Why you back so soon?"

And Boudreaux say, "Marie I dun change my mind 'bout beatin' up dat Clarence. You know Marie, dey got a sign on dat dere bridge dat say, "Clarence 13 ft. 6 in." You know, he don look near dat big when I yell at him across the bayou."

Boudreaux, Thibodaux & St. Pierre been on dis island for 5 long years.

One day St. Pierre was walking along da beach when he found dis bottle. He brought it to da camp dey built and opened it.

A genie popped out and said,"I grant 3 wishes and since there are 3 of ya'll, you each get 1 wish.
Since you found me, St. Pierre, you get the first wish."

St. Pierre said,"I am from Cut Off and I wanna go back home." So den he was back home.

Thibodaux said,"I am from Galliano and I wanna go back home." So den Thibodaux was back home.

Boudreaux,him, he had to think a while. He said,"You know sha, I am kinda lonley, I wish my 2 podnas were back here!"

One day Boudreax and Thibodaux were watching TV.

A good commercial about a movie came on and it said, "Coming To A Theatre Near You."

Boudreaux looked at Thibodaux and said, "Thib how they know where we live?"

Thibodeaux: Boudreaux, did you get the parrot I sent you for your birthday?

Boudreaux: Yes, it was good!

Thibodeaux: You ate the bird!

Boudreaux: Of Course I ate it.

Thibodeaux: That bird spoke five different languages!

Boudreaux: Then he should have said something.

Boudreaux was at the bar every day drinking beer.

Well Thibodaux wanted to teach Boudreaux a lesson, so he told the bartender to give him a glass of water and a glass of beer.

Thibodaux went outside and found two worms.

He put one in the water and it wiggled around, he put the other one in the beer and it curled up and died.

Thibodaux asked Boudreaux, "What did you learn?"

Boudreaux said, "If I keep drinking beer I wont get worms."

Boudreaux and Thibodaux died and went to Heaven.

When they got to the Gate, they met ol' Saint Pete.

They said, "Saint Pete, beb, how you been?" and Saint Pete said, "Mais ok, sha, but ah got bad news for you Boudreaux. You been so bad on Earth, you got to spend all Eternity with a ugly woman."

Boudreaux was pretty sad but he said, "Well, if ah hafto, ah hafto."

So the next day him and his ugly woman was walking down the golden street when they saw Thibodaux and he was with Cindy Crawford!

So Boudreaux went talk to Saint Pete.

He said, "Saint Pete, sha, come see. Ah think we got a mistake here. How come Thibodaux gets Cindy Crawford and Ah got stuck with a ugly woman!"

Saint Pete said, :"Aw, Boudreaux, you dont understand! Cindy Crawford got stuck with Thibodaux!"

Thibodeaux: Boudreaux, What's the score?

Boudreaux: Seven to Ten.

Thibodeaux: Who's winning?

Boudreaux: The ten.

One day Boudreaux saw Thibodeaux and asked him why he was so bruised up.

Thibodeaux replied that he had been riding a bull, and his foot got stuck when he fell off.

The bull kept dragging him around until the Wal-Mart manager came and unplugged it.

A signal adventure: Dan Burkhalter, the Carencro Curmudgeon, tells of the time Boudreaux and Thibodeaux went hunting and got lost in the woods.

When Boudreaux began lamenting their fate, Thibodeaux said, "You know, I heard that the best thing to do if you get lost is to fire three shots in the air."

So they did that, and waited a while. When no rescue party showed up, they fired three more shots in the air.

Finally, when there was still no response, Thibodeaux said, "Well, I guess we better fire three more shots."

"OK, if you say so," said Boudreaux. "But somebody better come soon-- we're about out of arrows!"

Boudreaux was sitting in the City Bar in Maurice, La. one Saturday night, and had several beers under his belt.

After a while, he looks at the guy sitting next to him, and asks him, "Hey, you wanna hear a good Aggie joke, you?

The big guy replies, "Let me tell you something. I'm an oilfield roughneck, I weigh 270 pounds, and I don't like Cajuns. My buddy here is a pro football player, weighs 300 pounds, and he doesn't like Cajuns either. His friend on his other side, is a professional wrestler, weighs 320 pounds, always has a chip on his shoulder, and he likes Cajuns even less than we do, and we are all Aggies. Do you really want to tell us an Aggie joke ?"

Boudreaux, all 150 pounds of Cajun attitude, tells him, "Well, I guess not. After all I don't want to have to explain it three times !"

A long time ago, Boudreaux and Thibodeaux decided to go out west.

They were in a covered wagon but somehow got separated from the wagon train.

Boudreaux was in the front driving while Thibodeaux was relaxing in the back. All of a sudden, Boudreaux heard a yell from Thibodeaux in the back: "Hey, Boudreaux, there's Indians on horses back here chasing us."

Boudreaux said, "Thibodeaux, how big are they?"

Holding his finger and thumb about 2 inches apart, Thibodeaux said, "Mais, Boudreaux, they only about this big."

"That's okay, Thibodeaux," Boudreaux said. "Tell me when dey get bigger."

About ten minutes later, Boudreaux yelled out, "Hey, Thibodeaux, how big are those Indians?"

"Mais, Boudreaux, dey are about tree feet tall."

Boudreaux yelled back, "That's still okay, Thibodeaux, but tell me when dey get bigger."

Ten minutes after that, Boudreaux cried out again, "Thibodeaux, how big are those Indians now."

"Mais, Boudreaux, dey as big as you and me!!"

"Well, shoot 'em!" screamed Boudreaux, "shoot 'em!"

"Mais, Boudreaux, I can't," said Thibodeaux, holding his finger and thumb about 2 inches apart. "I've known 'em since they was dis big!"

A PUN MY WORD II

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in
his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. "How To Be An Insurance Salesman" by Justin Case.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

WHAT PETS WRITE IN THEIR DIARIES

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


Excerpts from a Cat 's Daily Diary...

Day 983 of my captivity...

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The Difference Between Dogs and Cats

The dog looks up at me and says:

You feed me;

You pet me;

You play with me;

You give me a home;

You give me a bed;

YOU MUST BE GOD!


The cat looks disdainfully at me and says:

You feed me;

You pet me;

You play with me;

You give me a home;

You give me a bed;

I MUST BE GOD

TAKE THE A TRAIN with STEVE GADD

I know, it's Sunday and we're supposed to play "spiritual" music.

Well, I'm of the unpopular opinion that all music has a spiritual dimension to it.

This is nine minutes long, but really worth it.

I found about it from, of all places, a usually political blog called, Snaggletoothie , which I highly recommend daily, but this was special.

I found the bass solo to be exceptional and the drum solo one of the best I've heard since Gene Krupa or Buddy Rich.

Give it a listen.

It's well done.

A PUN MY WORD

This was sent to me in an email.

A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN RE-WORD

Energizer bunny arrested - charged with battery.

A pessimist's blood type is always B-negative.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)

A backwards poet writes inverse.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

I LOVE BLOGSURFING

There is no way I would ever get on a surf board. Not only could I not stand up on one (never mind that it would constantly be yelling at me, "Get off, you big oaf!"), ever since the movie, "Jaws" I have been nervous about venturing into the ocean.

However, one sport I love is "blog-surfing."

I visit my favorite blog and then visit all of the blogs on its blog roll.

I was over at The Doctor Is In (The Doctor Is In ) and clicked on a commenter's back-link (or whatever you call it).

What a reward!

This has to be one of the most unsung, overlooked blessings in the blogosphere!

I really enjoyed it.

I think you will, too.

Give it a try at The Retreiver .

WHAT A RELIEF!

Five years ago, the Christian radio station at which I worked was sold to a local man who had always wanted and prayed to own a Christian station.

He felt that when he was able to buy WJYO and WBIY from Toccoa Falls College, God had answered his prayer.

What God calls you to, God equips you for...that is an eternal absolute.

If God does not equip you for a task, He does not call you to a task.

The man who bought the station understands business.

He does not understand ministry.

If Christian radio is not a ministry, it is worthless.

Business says, "I'll do this for you if you'll do that for me."

Ministry says, "What can I do for you in Jesus name?"

Funny thing is, when a ministry is operated as a business it struggles and ultimately fails.

When a ministry is operated as a ministry, it succeeds.

If a "ministry" is failing, the best course of action is to discover how to conduct more ministry related to its mission.

This particular Christian radio ministry is struggling, mostly because it is conceptually not a ministry, it is a business.

Too bad.

As I stated in my previous post, I have disassociated myself from the radio station.

My plan (which I believe is God's plan for me) is to take a week off (which I have not had in years), relax a while and see where God leads.

Many of you know that I have had health issues, specifically with my heart. I've had heart attacks, atrial fibrillation and stents inserted in my arteries.

Each time the CEO of the station went into one of his patented rages over an issue, my chest would begin hurting. This past Tuesday he had one and I went into atrial fibrillation.

Yesterday was my first full day of unemployment, and I must say it was the most peaceful, day I have had in five years, even though I was very busy all day long.

Today I feel the same. I have energy to do what I do, no chest pain at all, I am rested, and spiritually in tune with God through Christ.

It is a glorious day!

Thank you for your prayers. I covet them to continue as I seek God's plan for my future, whatever that plan is.

A CAREER ENDING MOVE

Over fifty years in ministry and 27 years in Christian radio has come to an end today.

The man who owns the station, a historically volatile person at best, came in today wanting to know what went wrong with a program.

I did not know the answer and said I would have to investigate, and would probably have an answer by this afternoon.

That did not satisfy him and he went into a tirade, which set my heart into atrial fibrillation.

I am not afraid to die, and would gladly die for my wife, my country and/or for other just causes, but I will not die because of some one's inability to control their anger.

So I resigned my post as Production Director at the Christian radio station at which I work.

I don't know how I am going to make it economically, or what God's next move in my life will be, but I'm going to take a few days to consider it before making a decision.

Please keep me and my sweet wife, who agrees with my decision, in your prayers.

We will need a lot.

WORD FUN AND DAFFY DEFINITIONS

Someone sent me these the other day and I thought I would share them.

I was right...I am sharing them.

By changing one letter in the original word one can come up with a similar word with a PC or otherwise meaning.

1. Cashtration: The act of buying a house which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite perion of time.

2. Intaxication The Euphoria one develops when receiving a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

3. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

8. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

9. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

10. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

GOD'S BEST FOR YOU IN THE NEW YEAR!

This has been a troublesome year.

The economy is struggling.

My health has been challenged.

There have been many other adversities, as well.

Yet God is on His throne.

Jesus still saves.

Life is sweeter every day, with Him.

And so I wish for you the very best of all God has to offer in this coming New Year.

CHRISTMAS

For the Christian, this is a very special time.

For the non-Christian, it may be a time for gift getting, gift giving, partying, having time off from school or work, getting caught up in the hustle and bustle of the "season," or just a bunch of hub-bub about nothing.

For the Christian (not the nominal Christian, but the genuine person of faith), Christmas is special on many fronts.

The word, "Christmas," has two roots: 1) Christ - The Greek translation of the Old Testament Hebrew word, "Messiah;" and 2) Mass - the Latin word for birth.

In other words, the word "Christmas" means: Christ's Birth.

The birth of Messiah was predicted in the Old Testament.

There are more than 300 references to the coming of, the life of, the death of, the resurrection of and the return of the one whose title is Emmanuel, and whose name is Jesus.

These predictions were made by different people at different times, many of whom had had no contact with the others, yet their predictions meld together into one continuum that was lived out in a little town called Bethlehem, the city of Nazareth and the Holy City of Jerusalem.

Jesus is God, incarnate.

That means that God came down to us to reveal Himself, to show us His plan of salvation and to make it possible for us to enter into a personal relationship with Him.

In Christ, God has made possible for anyone who wants it to have a gift that exceeds any gift you could find in a JC Penney catalog, at Walmart, or at Macy's: the gift of eternity in Heaven with Him.Like any gift, you do not have to pay for it.

When I give gifts to my children, I do not ask them to pay me back for them.By definition, a gift requires no payment by the recipient.But a gift costs someone something.

A gift may be bought at a store. It might be hand-made. A gift might be something you already own and wish to give to someone else.

The gift God offers costs you nothing, but it is not free.

God, Himself, offered Himself, in the person of Jesus, to pay a debt we owe. It is referred to as a "sin debt," the debt we owe as a result of our having not lived up to the perfect standard required by the High Moral Law of God.

"Joe, why are you trying to cram your belief down my throat?" you may ask.

I'm not.You don't have to believe any of it if you don't want to. That's your choice.

But I can tell you this, based on my own experience and on the Word God has given us, if you choose to believe in faith (not blind faith, but intelligent, Bible-guided faith), trusting in the work of salvation Jesus completed at the cross of Calvary, your life will take on an unimaginably new meaning.

There are those who will scoff (predicted in the bible, by the way), ridicule (predicted in the bible, by the way), and reject this idea (predicted in the bible, by the way).That is their choice (and yours, if that's what you want).

But for those who choose to discover God's character, His love for His creation and His plan for its redemption (as found in the Bible), Christmas is the most special time of this or any other year.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY!

ON THE ATTACK!!

I will no doubt be out of the picture for a few more days.

Sunday morning my heart launched an attack against me...one that threatened to be successful.

I was taken to our local horsepistal, where, recognizing that they knew more about horses than about humans, they med-flighted me to a hospital that knows how to treat living people.

Indeed, the best thing to come out of all of this, other than that I survived, was that I got to fly in a helicopter, something I've never done before.

They put two stents in my arteries, warned me not to get an MRI (stents are metal and MRIs operate with very powerful magnets...not compatible), kept me until today and told me not to behave strenuously until I have seen the follow-up doctor(s).

So, I'll be back soon...probably next week.

Don't spend too much time missing me, but pray for me.

A PROGRAM OF VISITATION

Almost as feared as the word, "organization," is the word, "program."

But a program is nothing more than an organized way of organizing to accomplish a ministry.

Nowadays, people tend to substitute the word, "ministry" for "program," thus imparting to it some level of "spirituality."

We love to appear spiritual.

Arthur Flake recognized the importance of a good visitation program (read: ministry).

However, I know of no church that has ever been successful at involving half or more of their congregation in a visitation program.

The usual routine is to hold "Tuesday night visitation," at which the pastor, staff and one or two deacons and/or members-at-large show up and go visiting."

Every third month, someone gets up before the Sunday night congregation or the Wednesday night prayer meeting and tells about how their visitation team got to talk to the Wedongo family about going to church.

Once every year or two, they might report on someone getting saved in their home...but we never see them show up, and they are soon forgotten.

What Arthur Flake realized was that the church-at-large is not properly organized for visitation. But the Sunday School is.

The small groups that are the Sunday School are the most likely ones to know about the needs of their groups, as well as the network of friends the members of the group have who need some one-on-one encouragement to come to Christ.

One ministry program, called, "F.A.I.T.H.," attempted to vector visitation through the Sunday School with a modecum of success.

But the real problem with any visitation program is training and follow-up.

Sunday School members need to be trained to properly respond as people express their interest in and issues with coming to Christ.

Those who accept Christ need to be discipled to follow Him.

So, whether you use "ACTION," "EVANGELISM EXPLOSION," "THE FOUR SPIRITUAL LAWS," "F.A.I.T.H.," or some other method of visitation, the important thing is to get organized, trained and to work, doing the ministry of visitation.

ENLARGE THE ORGANIZATION

I'm not sure why so many Christians are so afraid of organization.

Many of them have reacted with vitriol and anger when I have suggested that we organize for growth.

Yet, as noted in previous posts, the Bible clearly supports good organization.

Arthur Flake's fourth rule of Sunday School growth is: Enlarge the organization.

Let me say a word or two (probably at least two) about church growth.

Many churches grow with an emphasis on the worship.

Worship is good...no, GREAT!

It is very important...indeed, one of the very reasons we meet together as a fellowship of believers.

The problem arises when the church is built on the WORSHIP SERVICE.

That becomes an issue because it depends upon the strength of the leadership.

I know some very large churches that would collapse if their current leader left for another church field, became too ill to lead, too old to lead or died.

That's a shame, because the church should not be built on the strength of the leader, but on the person of Christ.

I believe that the most effective and secure way to build a church is through its Bible Study ministry, in many churches called the Sunday School or Small Group Bible Study.

Because I am of the "old school," (oh, shucks...I'm just old...let's face it) I will use the term "Sunday School," but you're smart enough to understand that I use the term generically and that it may go by any of several other names.

The Sunday School, in most churches, is "grouped and graded" to one extent or another.

Usually, pre-schoolers, children, teens (in this post called "Youth") and adults meet in groups that are age specific, in order that they might be taught on a level with which they can identify.

Therefore, the Sunday School is already organized for growth.

Additionally, since the Sunday School generally uses lay persons as leaders, and since when a pastor leaves the church field, they usually remain in their positions of leadership, a well built Sunday School enables the work of the church to continue during the transition to another pastor.

Furthermore, as a church grows, it becomes more and more difficult for a pastor to meet all of the needs of his flock.

The Sunday School is one logical ministry to help him, since each leader is geared toward ministering to a particular age group, already regularly seeks to discover the needs of the small group that is the class, and can know the class members better than the pastor ever could.

Sunday School is also the source of discovering much of the talent needed to lead worship, perform tasks of hospitality, lead fellowships, etc.

So, if a church wishes to built a vibrant worship ministry, it needs to build a vibrant Sunday School

Likewise, music ministries, children's ministries, youth ministries, outreach ministries, deacon ministries, missions ministries and all of the other ministries in which a church might involve itself will be stronger and more easily built if the church develops a strong Sunday School.

That is where Arthur Flake placed his emphasis, and that's where I believe it belongs.

If a church waits until growth takes place to enlarge the organization, it will run into the issue of an earlier post: being too full for comfort and thus having members drop out.

Enlarging the organization means expanding the "outline" of the small groups, or Sunday School.

Thus a children's department might need to be turned into two children's departments in order to handle the potential growth.

There are many way to accomplish this organization. No doubt your denomination has literature, and/or conferences that can help.

But if solid, Christ centered, people loving growth is to take place, enlarging the organization is a must.

FOR WHAT ARE YOU THANKFUL?

To understand why I ask that question, click on the link and read my post on

Jo-Joe Politico

And have a beautiful, Christ-filled Thanksgiving Day!

PROVIDE THE SPACE

We come to the third of Arthur Flake's five principles of growth: PROVIDE THE SPACE.

There is an "unwritten" rule (even though it has been written by many people) of attendance: When a space is about 80% filled, people will consider it crowded and will tend to go somewhere else.

This rule can be seen working in almost every church, large or small. When all the seats are filled one Sunday, the next week many will not return.

After we have done our survey properly, found our "prospects," invited them to come, and trained our workers, we must have a place for them to go.

The man who developed The Action Plan, Andy Anderson, was pastor of Riverside Baptist Church in Fort Myers, Florida.

After implementing the first steps of the plan, his Sunday School more than doubled in size in one week.

To accommodate the increase, Andy had rented a large, circus style tent, divided it up into classrooms and filled it with people, many of whom were first-time guests and heard the gospel for the first time in their lives.

They used the tent until they were able to build additional education space.

As an aside, keep this in mind: Although it is not the reason we strive to grow, growth results in an increase in income to the church, as visitors and new members learn to give tithes and offerings. Thus, the larger crowds yielded greater income to the church which enabled them to build education space.

As another aside, keep in mind that God's word NEVER speaks of maintaining the status quo, but ALWAYS notes the growth of the church.

God wants us to grow.

If we are to grow, we must provide the space for growth, either by use of tents, doubling up worship and Sunday Schools or whatever means God make available to you.

EQUIP THE LEADERS

The second of Arthur Flakes principles for growing a church is: "Equip the Leaders."

One might think that one should find out who's going to be attending before leaders are selected and trained.

WRONG!

If people show up and there are no adequate leaders to lead, they'll go home and not come back.

How are leaders equipped?

Many denominations have training centers where there is training for Sunday School Directors, Teachers, and other offices in the Bible Study Ministry.

The picture at the top is the lake at the training center for my denomination in Florida. It is Lake Yale at Lake Yale Baptist Assembly between Eustis and Leesburg, Florida.

Let me tell you, the training is second to none and the facilities are 5-Star.


Here are a couple of leaders in front of the motel style rooms at LYBA. They have real beds and everything!

If your denomination does not have such facilities, you can probably send leaders to one of the camps operated by another denomination.

If you cannot send leaders to such a facility, there are hundreds of training resources available online, some cost, some don't.

Consider a banquet to kick off a leadership series, or perhaps some

The Bible says that we should study to show ourselves approved unto men, workmen who can be proud (in the good sense) of our work.

Training can take the form of learning to use Bible Study literature, the effective use of technology to facilitate leadership, interpersonal relationships, and of course, how to understand and teach the Bible.

Another essential is evangelism training...not so much the cold-call type, but how to integrate the plan of salvation into EVERY Bible Study lesson, for children, youth and adults. Then it is necessary to train leaders to witness one-on-one.

If we take seriously the concept of Equipping the Leaders, when folks show up, they will have an enriching, spiritual growth experience and will more likely show up again.

FIND THE PEOPLE

Some churches, as I noted in my previous post, are content to muddle along, never growing, baptizing few and mostly just fussing with each other and with other denominations.

If we are to be like Jesus, as we are clearly told to be in Scripture, then we have to care about the people of our communities, saved or not.

As a matter of fact, we should care whether or not they are saved.

If your church is on a busy road, stand outside your church someday and watch the cars go by.

Most of the drivers and passengers in those cars are unsaved and unchurched.

How do we know which ones need a church?

How do we know which ones have financial, health, emotional, mental and other needs?

The answer is we go find out.

The highways and byways are where we have been instructed to go and BRING them in.

Years ago there arose an outreach ministry called "The Action Program."

The thrust of "The Action Program" was an unusual "survey."

In the survey, pairs of Christians went into assigned neighborhoods door-to-door.

At each home, they introduced themselves, and asked permission to do a brief survey.

If given permission, they took the following action:

1. They asked whether the occupants regularly attended any Bible study program.

2. If the answer was, "Yes," the occupants were thanked for their time and the surveyors went on their way to the next house.

3. If the answer was, "No," the surveyors said, "We have a really good Bible study that meets on Sunday mornings (or, if there were weekday Bible studies, those times were given), may we enroll you in it?"

4. If they say, "No," the surveyors thanked them and went on their way to the next house.

5. If they said "Yes," the surveyors took down pertinent information, thanked the occupant, told them that they looked forward to being with them on Sunday (or at the weekday Bible study), left some materials about the Bible studies and went on their way.

6. The surveyors were trained in evangelism and always ready to share Jesus with anyone who volunteered an interest, but they did not seek out opportunities to do so.

It was interesting that the majority of homes gave them the few moment each step took.

Also interesting was that about half of those who said they were not a part of any Bible study allowed the surveyors to enroll them in one of theirs.

Of those, between 40% and 60% actually showed up at a Bible study.

Using that ministry approach, one church I served doubled its Sunday School attendance in two weeks.

The plan of salvation was made an integral part of every Bible study class.

What I learned from "The Action Program" was that being short and honest was an asset.

I also learned that all most potential Bible study members want is just to be engaged with "good people" for brief moments, not for some long winded, complicated witness program (think Evangelism Explosion or F.A.I.T.H.)

Don't misunderstand me. There is a place for these, but they should probably be reserved for those homes that have been contacted in advance and expect somebody to come spend a lot of time with them.

In the end, it is important for churches to get to know the people around them, and to find the ones who are likely to see the need for a good church to attend.

The best way to accomplish this is to conduct a survey.

As Arthur Flake said in 1922, FIND THE PEOPLE!

LET'S GET ORGANIZED

In 49 years of ministry, I have served in very small churches, and some fairly large ones.

I have served in stagnant churches and growing churches.

Some churches have been very satisfied to stay small, muddle along and present uninspiring, second rate ministries and programs.

They suffer from what I call "The Small Church Syndrome."

Their attitude is, "They know we're here. If they want to come, they will."

Typically their workers (Sunday School leaders, etc.) represent about 20% of the congregations, do most of the ministering and love to point out "how God is blessing," though there is little evidence of that.

Now, not all small churches are like that.

Some are in very rural areas with little opportunity for growth.

Others are brand new churches and are "destined" to grow and minister to many more people in their future.

Some churches are large and stagnant.

They got big by virtue of location or the strong personality of a preacher and then just "gave up" on growth.

One "medium sized" church I know stays "medium sized" by starting new works.

Every seven years they take their best Sunday School teachers, their best deacons, the the best of their other leaders and start a new church.

To date, there are 11 churches that they have started, each of which is growing pretty well.

Then there the so-called, "mega-churches."

Some of those got where they are on the strength of the personality of their pastor.

Most, however, got there another way: they organized for growth.

Way too many Christians are afraid of or offended by the word, "organization."

I have heard the phrase "we're over-organized," far more often than I have heard, "let's get organized."

People who are put off by the concept of organization do not believe the Bible.

"What? Where did THAT come from?" I hear you objecting.

From the Bible.

Check out Genesis, Numbers, Nehemia, Romans, 1st Corinthians and many other Scriptures and you will find that God teaches, and is the epitome, of organization.

The universe is organized from the tiniest Hydrogen atom to the grandest solar system. Scripture tells us it reflects the handiwork of God.

In the book of Numbers we find the organization of the tents of the tribes of Israel.

God led Nemiah to assign groups to each section of the wall of Jerusalem when he went to rebuild it.

In Romans, Paul tells us that the plan of salvation was from before the foundations of the earth and that it unfolded in precise order.

We are told, "Let all things be done in order" (I Corinthians 14:40).

Titus 1:15 says: "For this cause left I thee in Crete, that thou shouldest set in order the things that are wanting, and ordain elders in every city, as I had appointed thee:"

May I suggest that God is a God of order?

In 1922 Arthur Flake wrote Building a Standard Sunday School.

In it he set forth Biblical principles of growth.

Here they are:

1. Find the People

2. Equip leaders and teachers

3. Provide the space

4. Enlarge the organization

5. A program of visitation

In future posts, I will expand on each of these and will teach you, if you are willing to learn, how God wants your church to grow.